I sit. And gaze into the pool.
I reflect and move as the coolness below. I gaze at the sky and wonder. I feel the earth around me. How strong is it, I wonder? I move myself against it and am stopped.
Part of me reaches towards the heaven. Soon though, I cannot feel me and my mind returns to the water. Too far did it travel, too different.
My tops tickle as something touches it. All around me I burble and glide.
My thoughts are lost.
I just am.
Suddenly I become aware of something next to me. It's not touching me, but beside. It's solid. It's been there awhile. I can see it's shadow.
It rises next to me, twisting at the bottom, it's base touching but not in the ground. Part of it is near.
I look up and strain to see, but I cannot stop moving and it is difficult. Suddenly I realize it is a girl. Yes, a girl. What is that? Did I know once?
She looks...sad. I see something similar to myself fall from her cheek. It touches me and now I am different. But the same. It was me. How did she have a part of me in there? Or maybe it was never me?
I realize she has been there for a long time. She has not moved as some things do on land. Perhaps she is a tree or a flower? Girls move, like those....other things. But trees don't move. There used to be a tree near me. It stopped the sun from baking, kept me cooler. Then it was taken away by the things that moved. Then they too were gone. They took me away.
What is she? She looks like a girl, though. And tries do not have me in them. They take but they do not give back. She gave me back. Why doesn't she move?
So I ask her.
And she speaks.
"What have I done?"
It feels like tremors on my tops. Soft. Faint.
I shimmer and gurgle.
She does not answer, but looks. But something else answers. I feel it. Sadness. Guilt.
Parts of me find my tops again. So little...
I sit. And remember.
I gaze into the pool, longingly. "What have I done?" I ask.
I eat not.
I move. The first time in many days. I am thinner than I remember. My hand moves off my thigh and thin fingers return to the hardness next to it. I grip. It is cool and smooth. I raise it.
Thuds reach the water and vibrate its innards as the leather strips fall.
Thud thud it goes.
Tears fall on its surface and it ripples.
Thud thud it goes.
The heart breaks. The soul cries. The body hurts. But I continue.